February 15th (Thu) We're able to start recording Hoshimiya's voice data. For the first day, we focused on optimizing the environment to make it easy for Hoshimiya to sing and shared the upcoming schedule. Honestly, I think it's going to be a tough job. But she said she'd do it. We have to support her with all our might.
Also, I told my manager I won't be able to come to work for a while. I don't think I'll have the capacity for it.
"Well then, let's explain the recording."
The next day. In the same rental studio, Mr. Azekura spoke while crossing his arms in front of a whiteboard.
"The quality of a singing voice can be broadly divided into three elements: range, phonemes, and timbre. Regarding timbre, we would normally start by looking for a model that fits the image of the Dorothy character we're creating... but this time, Ms. Hoshimiya is already decided. Therefore, the important elements this time are range and phonemes."
As Mr. Azekura's pen flew across the whiteboard, Hoshimiya suddenly raised her hand.
"What is a 'phoneme'?"
"You can think of it as the smallest unit of speech. You've probably heard of vowels and consonants. I'll skip the details of phonology, but it's not far off to think of it as the 'h' and 'o' in 'ho'."
"...I see, I think I understand, more or less."
"I'll continue. The purpose of this recording is to sample the vocal range and the phonemes respectively. We will collect phonemes for each of the high, middle, and low ranges, as well as the connections between phonemes."
Mr. Azekura explained while drawing a diagram on the whiteboard.
In summary, for example, to have Dorothy sing the transition when going from 'o' to 'h' like in 'toho' or 'sofu', that sampling is necessary. And that sampling will be recorded assuming all kinds of pitch patterns, like low to low, or low to high. That's the main content.
And then, they apparently use deep learning with an AI on the obtained voice data to pursue a more human-like singing voice.
Dorothy is characterized by its electronic voice, and many fans like it that way, but this time the goal is to preserve Hoshimiya's voice. So, they said they would aim for a voice as close to the real thing as possible.
"Specifically, what Ms. Hoshimiya will be doing is singing specific strings of characters while listening to a guide tone. First, let's try a practice run."
As Mr. Azekura spoke, I handed the headphones to Hoshimiya and led her in front of the microphone.
And Hoshimiya rested her weight on a wooden stool.
Even though it was a stool, its height was about the same as Hoshimiya's hips. Her posture was almost standing. It was a plan to reduce the burden on her as much as possible while not compromising the power needed for singing.
"Alright, let's go. The words can be anything. While listening to the guide tone from the headphones, say something like 'Hoshimiya.' Just match the rhythm to the metronome."
Saying that, Mr. Azekura hit the spacebar on his laptop.
From the side, I couldn't hear anything, but Hoshimiya's head began to bob at a tempo of about twice per second.
"...Yes, ...yes, ...I see, I'm getting the hang of it."
A smile appeared on Hoshimiya's lips. She must be feeling something akin to elation.
Even I was starting to feel the reality of it now, and I couldn't keep calm.
"..., Ho-o-shi-i-mi-i-ya-a, ..., Tsu-u-ki-i-shi-i-ro-o, ..., Po-o-n-ko-o-tsu-u (useless)."
"Don't play around."
I gave Hoshimiya a light rap on the head. She stuck out her tongue and acted playfully exaggerated.
"...So Ms. Hoshimiya also plays such childish pranks. I had a more pure and innocent impression of you."
"Ehehe, oh stop, Mr. Azekura. I'm not usually like this. Right, Tsukishiro?"
"That's right. She's much worse. Mr. Azekura, let's just start the recording."
Mr. Azekura chuckled and nodded, then set a tablet on the mic stand-like pole standing next to Hoshimiya. When I peeked, I saw several four-character hiragana strings for recording displayed there.
From then on, Hoshimiya, while taking numerous breaks, recorded until the sun went down.
She seemed to be having fun as she recorded her voice from start to finish.
It was the smile of a girl as bright as the sun, a sight I hadn't seen for a while.
***
"By the way, Tsukishiro."
On the third day of recording. Hoshimiya, who was sitting leaning against the wall for a short break, suddenly asked me a question.
"That crystal necklace, you've become okay with touching it, haven't you?"
"Mm. Yeah."
The keepsake necklace hanging from my neck, which I had been touching casually.
Since some time ago, the noise had become considerably quieter.
Until just a little while ago-- until about two months ago when I failed my second suicide attempt, it had been emitting a ghastly noise that seemed not of this world.
Since noticing that, I had been touching it more often for no particular reason.
"That's your mother's, right? ...Why do you touch it so sorrowfully?"
At the unexpected question, I was momentarily stunned.
"Well, of course it's painful. If there was someone who was happy touching a memento, that person would definitely be messed up."
"That's not what I'm trying to say. More like, don't memories of your mother from before, not just the accident and her illness, come to mind?"
Hoshimiya's eyes held a lonely color.
It was as if she was projecting herself.
"...It's not really like that."
I know.
Even my mom wouldn't approve of her own son being swallowed by dark passions every time he touched an accessory she cherished.
But. This crystal has now become a crystallization of misfortune.
I just can't find any good meaning in this jewel. In a way, it was a curse.
"Then why not just put it away? It's not like you have to wear it, right?"
"That's what I wanted to do, but."
It's not something I can just dismiss. To me it's a symbol of misfortune, but to my mom, it was the embodiment of hope. To deny the crystal entirely here felt like denying my parent's feelings, and I couldn't do it.
"...You really do have a troublesome personality."
"Call it sensitive."
It would be annoying to hear anything more, so I hid the necklace under my clothes.
"I'm actually quite fond of crystals, you know."
But it seemed to be completely meaningless, as she continued the topic normally.
"Did you know? They say that crystals are minerals that have been growing little by little in the earth for millions of years, finally to be discovered by humans. For a long time, unseen by anyone, but still growing little by little... isn't that sort of brave?"
"That's enough. I told you I don't really want to talk about crystals. Look, the break is over."
Hoshimiya pouted.
Right after that, she sighed lightly as if to say it couldn't be helped, and stood up.
Today's recording also went smoothly.
February 19th (Mon) Hoshimiya's condition hasn't been bad these past few days. She said she wanted to eat meat, so I tried making chicken salad. It was pretty good. Maybe I'll make her ginger pork tomorrow.
February 21st (Wed) She seemed to be in good shape today too; she made and ate Maruchan Seimen by herself. She was particular about it, stir-frying cabbage and bean sprouts with sweet bean sauce to put on top. When I said it would be even tastier with garlic, she told me to get lost.
Day eight of recording. Arriving at the studio carrying Hoshimiya on my back, I gently set her down.
"Big sis. I'm ready."
Rukina, who had arrived on site earlier, rushed over to Hoshimiya who was sitting on a folding stool. She put the headphones around her neck and tied her chestnut hair at the back of her head so it wouldn't get in the way of her singing.
"Thanks, Rukina. Alright, I'm going to sing today too!!"
With a cheerful voice that seemed impossible coming from her overly thin body, Hoshimiya stood up, and
"...Huh?"
"H-hey!!"
she collapsed as if the ground had given way beneath her. It was a good thing I managed to catch her instantly, but it was a nasty fall, one where she could have easily hit her head if she had kept going.
"Be careful. Don't get hurt in a stupid way."
"Sorry, sorry, I was just trying to psych myself up."
Hah, Hoshimiya let out a deep breath. This time she walked quietly to the microphone and sat on the stool that was about waist-high. She looked at the string of characters displayed on the tablet and chuckled.
"Today's song also has strange lyrics. Like a revival spell."
"You're probably not from that generation."
Saying that, it was Mr. Azekura who was setting up the tablet right next to Hoshimiya.
"Today we will mainly record the high and low pitches. If you go off-pitch, we will do a retake, so be prepared for that."
"Roger that. If I'm not satisfied with it either, I'll ask for a retake."
Hoshimiya put on the headphones. Right after, her head began to nod rhythmically.
"...ka-a-i-i-na-a-i, ...shi-i-su-u-te-e-mu-u, ...ma-a-ra-a-ka-a-su-u"
She took a breath after every four bars. She would restart from taking the rhythm.
A slow pace... is what I think. However, that's in consideration of Hoshimiya's physical condition. If we push her too hard and she collapses, this project will fall apart.
"Big sis. Water."
"Thanks, Rukina."
From the water bottle she received from Rukina, Hoshimiya took a small sip. Just enough to wet her lips and throat. She was taking extra care not just of her body, but of her throat as well.
You could hardly call it smooth sailing. It's a tightrope walk of a recording session, dealing with Hoshimiya's illness. But still, thanks to the cooperation of many people, Hoshimiya is now literally breathing life into the electronics.
Even if it's just a small part of that, I'm sure I'm being of help.
Thinking that, a smile naturally escaped me.
"...ma-a-ki-i-bi-i-shi-i, ...ka-a-wa-a-chi-i-a-a, ...mi-i-su-u-te-e-ri-i"
Her voice is coming out better than usual. A good sign. When she's feeling good, I want to record as much as possible.
I opened my phone. To maintain Hoshimiya's good condition, I was searching for a recipe for an easily digestible and nutritious dinner-- and that's when it happened.
Hoshimiya's body suddenly collapsed.
My mind went blank. Rukina and Mr. Azekura rushed over in a panic, and I belatedly started running too.
She was vomiting again.
Her figure, choking painfully and repeatedly apologizing with "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," was heavy. She seemed to have weakened all at once. No, surely, it was just what she had been suppressing coming to the surface.
Her unusually cheerful behavior. Her singing voice, clearer than usual. It was all, all just a brave front.
In the soundproofed room, only the sound of her sobbing and the cooling fan filled the air.
February 24th (Sat) She threw up yesterday, so we made this weekend a rest day. But she said things like, "It's because I'm not exercising," and started walking around the room leaning on my shoulder, and even started stretching.
February 26th (Mon) We were able to record voice data today. But the progress is pretty bad. Hoshimiya doesn't know about this. It would be bad if she lost her spirit, so I decided not to tell her. But considering Hoshimiya's remaining time, we don't have the luxury to be complacent. What should we do?
March 2nd (Sat) Hoshimiya finally couldn't stand up. Just when I thought she had been recording cheerfully these past few days, this happens. Today's recording was suspended. All I can do is pray her condition improves from tomorrow onward.
March 4th (Mon) Hoshimiya caught a cold. From how things have been, it seems like it will drag on. It doesn't look like we can record for a while. I'm scheduled to discuss the future with Mr. Azekura tomorrow.
"Now then, what shall we do?"
In a certain coffee shop in Nagoya, Mr. Azekura, dressed in a wrinkle-free suit, murmured.
Progress was already slow out of concern for Hoshimiya, and now she's been rendered inactive for a while with a cold. At this rate, Hoshimiya's life will end before the Dorothy is completed.
"Isn't there something we can do? For example, selecting the necessary voice data and reducing the number of recordings."
"We have long since optimized the data sampling patterns. ...Any further compression would affect the quality of the final product. AI is by no means omnipotent. Leaving behind a half-baked singing voice will not satisfy you or Hoshimiya Miyuki."
Mr. Azekura's statement is reasonable. It's a detailed data collection process to create a singing voice that meets the advanced demands of composers, from the beginning of a song, the transitions between sounds, long tones, to other fine singing techniques. If we omit that, it will be demoted to a mere talking robot that only resembles Hoshimiya's voice.
"But, if it's not completed, it's all for nothing..."
"But the thing that would be made is a piece of junk that can't be called a finished product. Both Hoshimiya Miyuki's name and her singing voice would quickly become obsolete and be forgotten. Hype is nothing more than a passing fancy."
For Hoshimiya's Dorothy to continue being used by the world's Doroshisutos, it needs absolute ability worthy of being cherished. If it's sold using Hoshimiya's name as a gimmick, and bad reviews spread, then everything will be ruined.
Not enough voice data-- that is the one and only, and the biggest, problem.
Without solving that, the completion of Dorothy is impossible. Delivering Hoshimiya's singing voice to the future cannot be achieved. As she once said, as time passes, Hoshimiya's name will be forgotten, and her appearances in dramas and movies, as well as her singing voice as Hahyuu, will eventually fade away.
"...Hm? Hahyuu's, singing voice...?"
Something felt strangely off. I examined the source of the feeling, and then I realized.
Just one idea floated up. Like a single ray of light piercing through the dark, clouded situation.
"...Mr. Azekura. If we have voice data... that would be good enough, right?"
"...? Yes. Singing data is preferable, but..."
And, having spoken this far, Mr. Azekura's gaze froze. After a few seconds of stiffness, he shot his head up.
"That's right, Mr. Azekura."
I could feel a smile gradually appearing on my face. From the depths of my body, a strange, hot and cold sensation welled up. From Mr. Azekura's reaction, I understood that it wasn't impossible, and I felt elated again.
"Hoshimiya, as the utaite 'Hahyuu,' has uploaded over 100 Dorothy songs and covers to YouTube. The raw vocal data for them should all be stored on Rukina's computer!!"
I felt goosebumps.
It wasn't about coming up with a brilliant idea that could break the desperate situation... no. It was that the proof of resistance Hoshimiya had built up had come back to grant her own final wish.
"...There is a precedent. A project that reproduced the singing voice of a deceased person as a Dorothy character from the vocal data of past released recordings."
"I've heard of it."
"You knew that well. Although she was a top artist at the time, she's a figure from an era before you were born."
"I looked into it a bit before."
I sent a LINE message to Rukina. As I thought, she said the raw vocal data was saved.
Seeing my nod, Mr. Azekura glanced at me with eyes that held a will as if he had refocused on a lost destination, then chugged his coffee and stood up.
"Then there's no time to be fooling around here. Hurry and tell Danshari D to send the vocal data to me. Cloud or whatever is fine. I'll leave the method to you."
"Y-yes, sir..."
"I'm counting on you for the arrangements. I'm going to have a meeting with the project members about the future. First the data, and also, don't neglect her health management."
He said what he had to say, put down 2,000 yen, and quickly left the coffee shop.
I don't really get this 'cloud' thing, but well, Rukina can probably handle it. Probably.
At worst, I could just bring the data on a USB or something. Probably.
"...Hoshimiya's, tenacity... huh."
Truly, I'm no match for that girl.
March 5th (Tue) I asked Rukina to deliver Hahyuu's vocal data to Mr. Azekura. After this, Mr. Azekura's team will apparently analyze all the vocals and start working on filling in the missing phonemes as much as possible. He said he needs a week. Until then, I hope Hoshimiya takes her time to recover.
***
"Hey, Rukina."
In a room of the condominium tinged crimson by the setting sun. Wrapped in a warm down futon, lying in bed with a cold, I called out to Rukina, who was snuggled up next to me.
"What is it, sis?"
"My Dorothy... I wonder if it will be completed."
"...,"
"Thanks for covering for me until now. But, I just sort of thought. I thought I had recorded quite a bit... but with all the breaks I took, and even being sick in bed today, there's no way a Dorothy that can sing so freely could be made."
I am, without exaggeration, one of the top utaite reigning over that world. Not only that, I have even composed songs with Rukina. I know that much about Dorothy, and I have experienced firsthand the amazing, intricate, and profound nature of its technology.
And that's precisely why I realized it.
That there isn't enough time...
"Hey, how is it, Rukina?"
I cast my gaze to my beloved sister, as if clinging to her.
If possible, I wanted it to be a groundless fear. I wanted to be reassured that my thoughts had just rolled in a negative direction because I was weak in both mind and body. --But,
"That's right. There isn't nearly enough voice data. At this pace, they said it might take a year."
"...Ah. H-ha... that's right, isn't it?"
More than ever, my spirit is about to break.
Even though 'he' showed me one last hope, I can't even make that come true.
This body, this illness, --this future, I hate it.
"But. You don't need to worry."
To me, who had been knocked to the very bottom, Rukina showed a compassionate expression.
"I was told to keep it a secret, but. I'm going to tell you."
Right after that, what Rukina told me was a surprising fact.
Apparently, he, anticipating my poor health, had thought of a plan to supplement the insufficient voice data. And the key to that was the singing data from my time as Hahyuu.
That passion. That cry. The works that were the crystallization of the emotions of two people, Rukina trapped by the past and me fearing the future, saved us from the current crisis and became the foundation to fly towards the future.
With a certain boy I met just half a year ago as the starting point.
Hearing that from Rukina, I was speechless.
I know the identity of the emotion that continues to well up from the depths of my chest right now. No, I did tell him once.
And a torrent stronger than that time now swirls with heat in my heart. The emotions I should have sealed away, the fragments of uncontrollable feelings, spill from my mouth as if leaking from a crack.
"That, idiot..."
This is probably a function of the heart that an eighteen-year-old girl ought to have.
But I was not blessed with the opportunity.
Unloved by my parents, unloved by the future, so I had no experience of returning love to someone.
Such was the love-filled striving he gave to me. That love was surely not the romantic kind, but there's no doubt it gave me the greatest happiness.
In the past, I obstructed the thing he wanted to do (suicide). I forced upon him a life of suffering from noise. I deceived him, restricted his actions, and dragged him into my personal selfishness-- and yet, he saved me.
For me, who had given up on life, he found one last hope.
To the sister who would be left behind, he gave a chance to get back on her feet.
I can't thank him enough. No matter how many grand words I line up, I can't fully convey my feeling of gratitude.
And, more than that--
"...Hey, Rukina."
Those words. Were of a completely different nature from the ones just before.
Without a speck of suppressed anxiety or impatience, but simply as if entrusting it to my beloved sister.
"I have one favor to ask. Will you listen?"
"Of course. If it's for you, sis."
We smiled at each other. Surely, we already understood what we were going to do from now on.
The more I became aware of it, the more it was understood-- the existence of the boy named Tsukishiro Ikki had grown larger within me.
***
March 10th (Sun) Good news. It seems they can fill almost all the gaps with Hoshimiya's song data, and it looks like one more recording session will be enough. I decided to tell Hoshimiya. Of course, I want her to think the Dorothy was completed because she pushed herself and worked hard, so I didn't mention anything about the old song data.
March 13th (Wed) Finished the last recording. Hoshimiya's voice isn't even half of what it was at its peak, but still, taking breaks in between, we somehow cleared all the quotas. The rest is up to Mr. Azekura and his team. He promised us the best Dorothy. That was very reassuring.
March 29th (Fri) The Dorothy is almost complete. They said there are still fine adjustments to be made, but it's apparently at a level where it can be used for now. We decided to have a listening party soon, depending on Hoshimiya's condition.
April 2nd (Tue) Hoshimiya's condition has improved considerably. The day after tomorrow, everyone involved is available, so as long as Hoshimiya is okay with it, we've decided to have the listening party then.
A rental office in the Dai Nagoya Building, one of the structures that form the skyscraper cluster of Nagoya Station.
On the 25th floor, in a room higher than Hoshimiya's own home, all the concerned parties gathered. They had rented a space near Nagoya Station to reduce the burden on Hoshimiya.
Strangely, I couldn't hear any noise from anyone present. The sound of passersby on the street was unbearable, but these people seemed to be fine. I don't know why, but it was convenient.
"--Everyone has gathered."
Against a backdrop of skyscrapers with blue windowpanes, Mr. Azekura addressed the more than twenty people.
"First, I'd like to thank the team members who participated in this project. It was a case with a tight deadline, but I'm grateful you completed it without delay. I look forward to your continued cooperation."
With the greetings out of the way, Mr. Azekura sent a signal to one of the project team members.
"Without further ado, let's begin the unveiling. The song we will have her sing-- by the request of Ms. Hoshimiya Miyuki herself, will be 'Kaikou FIRE FLOWER.' The sound source was provided by Danshari D, also known as Ms. Hoshimiya Rukina, and we handled the vocal programming and simple mixing. Now, let's begin."
With the signal, a man sitting in front of a laptop-- a member of Team Azekura, nodded.
--I wonder what it's turned out like.
Half expectation, half anxiety. That's my honest feeling. I'm excited to see how well Hahyuu's singing voice has been reproduced, and at the same time, I'm also scared of how much it hasn't been.
Without any regard for my complex feelings, the intro to "Kaikou FIRE FLOWER" began to echo in the room. A high-tempo bass solo that belied its weightiness. A barrage of heavy low notes that seemed to directly shake the eardrums, the spine, the very brain, like the clamor of a distant festival. And then, suddenly jumping in, a high-pitched synth that felt like it could crack open my skull. Amidst a fierce yet beautiful melody that suggested a momentary encounter like a lightning strike and a future blooming like fireworks, that voice was finally output to the world.
"From a faraway place, I found you. Your back, heading towards the end, is so small."
I doubted my ears. The memory in my brain of Hahyuu singing "Kaikou FIRE FLOWER," which I had listened to hundreds of times since I first attempted suicide on that mountain bridge. A timbre so clear, ephemeral, and sorrowful, it was hardly different from that.
"Gaining nothing, it just ends. Where does this deceived heart go?"
A Dorothy's voice, spun with Hahyuu's vocal quality. No, this was more like Hahyuu, who could no longer sing, borrowing Dorothy's power to try to convey her feelings to someone.
"Falling, falling, falling, falling, abandoned even by the end, I can't tell happiness from misfortune."
That voice. That melody. It was as if it was speaking for the feelings of the girl named Hoshimiya Miyuki.
"A boring reality, an unfulfilled wish, a future I no longer need, in a night sky where eyes, ears, and heart are sealed."
Hoshimiya Miyuki, who resented everything, gave up, and tried to die in solitude.
That figure, that worst possible ending that could have been, flashed through my mind.
And I thought.
"Fireworks suddenly bloomed."
I wonder how much my actions were able to save her heart--
The lingering sound of the instruments, like the embers of fireworks scattering in the night sky. The afterglow, extending long as if reluctant to end, eventually stopped.
There was a clap. Following it, applause from everyone present. Unstinting praise was being given to the Dorothy who had finished singing and to the team members themselves.
It was, by now, a work of art. A work of the holy trinity, with a top-class singing voice, a strong desire to preserve it, and that which was realized with the latest technology.
The charismatic utaite Hahyuu's singing voice, as clear as a fine sky, of course-- but also Hoshimiya's noble spirit of wanting to make her listeners smile, was passed down without fading in the slightest.
"That is all. As you have heard, this Dorothy strongly reflects the characteristics of 'Hahyuu.' And this is a project to send Ms. Hoshimiya's singing voice into the future. Therefore, the product name... after discussing the Dorothy character's name as a team, this was raised as a candidate."
Mr. Azekura wrote the name on the whiteboard. What was written there when he finished were the words, "Hoshimiya Miyuki -to the happy future-". It was a name that combined her name as a girl and her stage name as an utaite, a one-of-a-kind name in the world. There could be no objections.
"Let's talk about future plans. The character design has already been commissioned to the same illustrator as for Otoumi Riko. I'm told they will create something that follows the image of Hahyuu and Ms. Hoshimiya's appearance. Also, the public announcement of this 'Miyuki's' release is scheduled for early May."
Mr. Azekura rattled off the words.
And after this, Team Azekura moved on to discussing public relations. It seems they will discuss how to leverage the name value of Hoshimiya and Hahyuu. They're too much of professionals.
And surprisingly, Rukina also participated in that discussion. When Mr. Azekura suggested he wanted to hear her opinion from a Doroshisuto's perspective, she agreed. And she did so while stopping me from trying to accompany her.
"...That girl has gotten strong."
Hoshimiya watched Rukina's small back and smiled like a mother.
Rukina, who doesn't actively join the conversation but answers properly when her opinion is asked. Her sound now is very pleasant. It's a reserved yet strong sound that seems to reach the ends of the world.
"Hey Tsukishiro. Rukina doesn't seem to need worrying about, so want to step out for a bit?"
"Eh? Go out, where?"
"Here, you know, there's a sky garden on the fifth floor. I've never actually gone. Take me there."
"Huh. There's a place like that right in the middle of Meieki?"
I pushed Hoshimiya's wheelchair, who wore sunglasses for her disguise, got on a direct elevator from the 25th floor down to the 1st in one go. Then we got on another elevator and headed to the 5th floor.
Arriving on the fifth floor and stepping out of the elevator hall, a large terrace dyed in pink spread out before us.
The cherry blossoms were in full bloom. It looked like they were blooming riotously in the sky. Combined with the clear blue sky overhead, the sight of them floating in the air was exactly like a sky garden.
The surrounding buildings, other than famous skyscrapers, were not visible. Even though it was the fifth floor, at thirty meters above ground, it was quite high. The vastness of the sky was incomparable to that on the ground.
"Wow. They were having a cherry blossom event, amazing."
Hoshimiya smiled, her cheeks also dyed the color of cherry blossoms.
"Tsukishiro, take me over there, over there."
She pointed excitedly at a path that was like a row of cherry trees.
I pushed the wheelchair. Enveloped in an almost too vivid cherry blossom pink, Hoshimiya's excitement grew.
"Hey, don't get too carried away. It's bad for you."
"It's fine, isn't it? I never thought I'd be able to go flower viewing again."
Hoshimiya laughed, bouncing her body. Well, I decided to let her run wild while she was energetic. And to be honest, my own excitement hadn't subsided either. Because--
"But still, the Dorothy 'Miyuki'... was amazing, wasn't it?"
That listening party earlier. Her singing voice won't leave my head.
No, surely, it's overlapping with Hahyuu's voice that I've heard so many times before. Because that voice was so much like Hahyuu's that it overlapped, to the point of recalling past memories.
"That's right, really!! I was so surprised. But as expected, the use of scoops and vibrato was different from mine. That's where the color of the person who tuned it comes out, you know."
"...Oh, right."
A few words I didn't understand passed by, so I just went along with the conversation.
"That's where I feel, ah, that's Dorothy. But that's what becomes the Doroshisuto's personality. ...Aha, it's like we're making a song three-legged, it feels kind of ticklish."
Hehe, Hoshimiya laughed shyly, but with a happiness that came from the bottom of her heart. Her profile, colored by the sunlight filtering through the trees and the cherry blossoms, was so dazzling it seemed to outshine even the spring weather.
"Ah, the cherry blossom row is ending. I want to relax over there for a bit."
Hoshimiya pointed at a bench at the end of the cherry blossom arch.
As she said, I parked the wheelchair next to the bench and helped her move to the bench.
Hoshimiya looked around restlessly, then happily took off her sunglasses.
"H-hey. It'll be bad if you're found out."
"It's fine, it's fine. It's a waste if I can't see properly through sunglasses."
Hoshimiya said something carefree and looked up at the cherry blossoms with a cheerful expression, as if enjoying a forest bath.
"By the way, Tsukishiro."
Hoshimiya said, as if she had suddenly remembered something.
"The 'Miyuki' unveiling... why do you think we chose 'Kaikou FIRE FLOWER'?"
"Ah, I was going to ask that. Why? Not Rukina's debut song 'Danshari EVERYDAY,' or the recently viral 'Hakoniwa UTOPIA,' why did you choose this one?"
"Ehehe, well, I had a few things on my mind."
She continued with a face as if looking at the other side of the sky.
"...You know, I felt like the lyrics of that song were directed at the me of late. And after listening to it today, I was sure of it."
I was thinking something similar. The sad lyrics, about being exposed to the world's malice and feeling death tapping on your back, inevitably overlap with the situation of the girl in front of me. But--
"But that's essentially a song of salvation, isn't it? A blessing in disguise, you could say."
That's right. "Kaikou FIRE FLOWER" is a rare song for Danshari D, one with a concept of grasping a small happiness at the end. Its symbol is a firework. A single flower blooming in the dark night. A single ray of hope encountered at rock bottom. Not letting it go, holding onto it, and in the end, seeing life through. That's the kind of song it is.
"...Tsukishiro, do you know why Rukina made a song like that?"
I shook my head. Now that she mentions it, it is strange.
"That one, you see, is a song that was made after I retired from the entertainment industry. I went back to being a normal girl, and the time I could spend with Rukina increased, so I think she was very happy."
Indeed, the timing isn't contradictory.
Hoshimiya quit acting last June. "Kaikou FIRE FLOWER" was released in August.
"Around the middle of July, we went to the Nagoya Port fireworks festival together. It had been a very long time. It seems she got her inspiration there. She said the happiness she suddenly encountered and the fireworks became connected."
Well, I laughed because she got the English word wrong, Hoshimiya said with a mischievous smile.
"You were surprised too, right? Encountering me right before your suicide, and then fireworks going off. ...So that song, it's like it symbolizes all of us. For the commemorative 'Miyuki' unveiling, it felt like this was the only choice."
"...Do you have something too, Hoshimiya?"
"I do too. A wonderful encounter that suddenly bloomed, like a firework."
"--Ah,"
I understood. At the same time, I was happy.
"You mean Dorothy's 'Miyuki'."
The girl who should have been able to see the future, and for that very reason, the future she lost. Hoshimiya, who overturned that and gained the right to have her beliefs and feelings ride on a song and continue to resonate throughout the world semi-permanently.
That is precisely nothing other than a single flower found at the bottom of an abyss. --or so I thought, but,
"What are you talking about? You're the firework, Tsukishiro."
My breath caught at Hoshimiya's words.
"Thanks to meeting you, my life changed. I know it even without future sight. My end would abso----lutely be a smile. It has become a smile."
In the celestial castle of cherry blossoms in full bloom, another flower bloomed.
It was more beautiful than any other flower, more beloved, and had a sound that was perfectly clear.
I couldn't understand the words for their meaning.
The one who saved her in such a way.
The firework that illuminated her when she was sinking in darkness.
"It was all, all something you did for me."
--To think she would say it was a tiny person like me.
Ah, no good.
The back of my eyes grew hot all at once.
"Really, thank you. Tsukishiro."
I can't reply. There are a mountain of things I want to say, but my voice won't come out.
The fragments of words are scattered messily, and I don't know how to connect them.
No, that's not it.
It's not that I don't know. I'm making up jumbled excuses, pretending not to know.
Surely, I'm afraid to step forward.
At this late stage, this coward is still afraid of being satisfied.
Gulp. I swallowed a lump in my throat.
I took a breath, as if to suppress my heart pounding like a firework.
"Likewise... thank you. ...I-I'm happy."
My voice was monotonous, like a robot's.
To think that conveying that I'm happy could feel this difficult.
To think that putting a lid on my own emotions had become such a habit.
But.
I'm glad I told her.
I'm truly glad I was able to tell her.
"'Are you going to be satisfied with a substitute, and live on blissfully by yourself?'"
Now, I can answer.
In a world without Mom, there is nothing that says I can't be satisfied.
It's okay to say that I'm happy about things that make me feel happy.
Because that will never mean forgetting the past.
It's okay for me to be involved with this world.
That's why I... it's not at all that I can't die until that day comes.
Until that day comes, I will live on in this world.
Suddenly.
Paan. A sound like bursting stardust resounded.
The sound licked the world like a meteor. The cherry blossoms in full bloom. The skyscrapers. The blue sky spreading overhead.
Just like that, it peeled off the clinging noise and spread far into the distance.
A moment of silence, as if time had stopped.
Right after, as if a video had started playing, sound returned to the world in its proper form.
◇◇◇
I wasn't cut out for it.
This world has too many sounds. Sounds that other people surely can't hear.
I'm a little different from other people. And it took me time to understand that.
"That headband and dress have a very cute sound."
A girl came to school in new clothes. I told her just what I heard.
Instantly, I started being teased by everyone in the class.
They drew a shared umbrella with our names on the blackboard. They'd hoot and whistle just for handing her a worksheet. They'd push me from behind into her.
I didn't get it.
I had only just stated my impression of the sounds that were always resonating.
Eventually, the girl stopped coming to school. Even so, the teasing towards me didn't stop.
"Go visit her." "Take care of your girlfriend." The faces, attitudes, and voices of those irresponsible, fun-loving jerks, I really hated them. From the bottom of my heart, I despised them.
That's why I closed myself off.
I turned it all into noise and shut it out.
◇◇◇
"...Ahah."
Hoshimiya laughs.
In the middle of a world enveloped in brilliant sound, she sits with a smile that leaves no room for shadow.
"The you right now, Tsukishiro, is kind of nice. It looks like you've found it. The way to play the correct tone."
That sound was the most beautiful.
This chord was what I had been searching for.
"...Ah,"
I won't run away anymore. There's no need to run.
"It's a very normal, and very... beautiful sound."
April 4th (Thu) They left the character design for "Miyuki" up to me and Hoshimiya. We received the design proposals for Miyuki right away. They were all cute, but the designs felt a bit unrealistic and had a strong "virtual artist" feel. I felt like she was going off to some distant place, and just as I was thinking that, Hoshimiya agreed. We asked for a revision.
April 8th (Mon) The revised character design proposal was sent over. The rainbow gradient hair was kept as is, but the base color was made more brownish, and the overall flashy feeling was gone, or rather, it was finished as a more down-to-earth design. We OK'd it.
April 12th (Fri) I had things I needed to buy, so I returned to my part-time job. The manager told me I had a good look on my face. When I replied that I was able to do what I had to do, he laughed out loud and gave me a staff meal with a mountain of chashu. Apparently, the manager has also decided to go independent and open his own shop next year. When I said I was cheering for him, he told me to forget that and just come eat there.
April 20th (Sat) The announcement for "Miyuki" has been set for May 3rd. The target is young people and their parents, most of whom are on vacation for Golden Week. Apparently, they're going to blast it on TV and the internet all at once to saturate the topic. When they talk about marketing, I can only think of it as a conspiracy 'to make people buy,' which doesn't quite sit right with me, but at the same time, I thought it was amazing. Working adults work too hard.
The announcement of the release of Android Singer "Hoshimiya Miyuki -to the happy future-"-- when that news was picked up by the media, it spread nationwide in the blink of an eye. The whole of Japan was already in an uproar. TV news, of course, but also internet forums, YouTube, and all sorts of SNS were buzzing with the topic.
"--The response is amazing, isn't it?"
Hoshimiya murmured sentimentally as she lay on the sofa, watching news sites and TV specials.
"Yeah. Well, all the people involved are huge names."
Japan's heroine who suddenly retired last year, Hoshimiya Miyuki. The titan of Japan's music industry who has worked on numerous famous songs, Azekura Kouichi. And the one who connected them both, the young top voice actress, Yuzuriha Minori.
In the online world, starting with the Dorothy community, the shocking news that one of the top utaite, "Hahyuu," was one and the same as Hoshimiya Miyuki was also added on top.
All of this was more than enough information to generate buzz among any person in any position.
"--Yes, that's right. In other words, the release of this Dorothy is equivalent to having the Hoshimiya Miyuki sing a song you made yourself. Isn't it amazing to have your favorite sing for you? To be honest, I'm not that familiar with Dorothy or music, but I'm super interested. Maybe I'll try to study up."
A young female announcer, acting as host, spoke cheerfully on the news program.
However, a middle-aged man, said to be a veteran, interrupted.
"But you know... what about the ethics of this? To forcibly make someone sing using their voice as a model... I wonder if Ms. Hoshimiya has thought carefully about the risks of this new technology."
"Ah, hey Rukina, this old guy is an idiot."
Hoshimiya, lying beside me, pointed her index finger at the man on the TV and said.
"Really. A huge idiot. It's annoying. I wish he'd study up before saying things."
To that, Rukina, who was watching TV while stroking Hoshimiya's head, added her own curse.
"No, no, Dorothy was originally created by recording and analyzing human voices, you know? And since it's been around for over ten years, Dorothy is now a splendid culture originating from Japan."
At the female announcer's rational counterargument, Rukina also nodded in agreement.
That's right. Dorothy is already a major industry rooted in Japan.
The sale of the Dorothy software itself, of course, but also the revenue according to the number of plays of songs released using it, merchandising, tie-ups with companies, and large-scale concerts all move the economy. Not only that, but many have grown from being Doroshisutos or utaite into some of Japan's leading artists.
Just how many creators did that allow to dream, and how many fans' lives did it color?
"--Ten years, huh."
The one who muttered it was Hoshimiya.
"Hey, in ten years, what do you think Miyuki will be like?"
A future that shouldn't have been. For her, who was not even allowed to speak of it, she probably never even thought she would be able to have this conversation.
"I wonder how many new songs she'll sing a year. I wonder how many plays she'll get. Maybe she'll even be renting out some venues or arenas and doing live shows."
Hoshimiya, her thoughts on the future, had a smile I had never seen before. A gentle smile containing hope, expectation, and just a little bit of loneliness, it resembled that of a grandmother dreaming of her grandchild's growth.
"It's okay. Because I'll keep having my sister sing. There are a lot of fans of the Danshari D and Hahyuu duo. I'm sure everyone will listen."
Hoshimiya and Rukina laughed together. Struck by that beautiful chord, a smile also escaped me.
"Ahh, I feel so happy~"
Hoshimiya looked up at the ceiling and murmured as if savoring the moment.
"To be this curious about the future, it's strange."
Surely, no dark shadow was cast in her eyes anymore.
"I wonder, just what kind of person's, what kind of feelings, will I be singing?"
Because Hoshimiya can now let her thoughts wander to the future.
May 9th (Thu) Tomorrow is payday. When I look at my bank app's account balance, I think, I worked hard.
May 15th (Wed) I can only go shopping while Hoshimiya is asleep. I'm glad I did my research and made a memo beforehand. This way, I can buy things quickly and come back quickly. While she's awake, I want to be with her as much as possible. Because she only has about three weeks left.
"--Hey, how far are you taking me?"
In the taxi running through the night roads, Hoshimiya, sitting in the back seat with me, asked with unconcealed suspicion.
It was understandable. It had already been an hour since we got in the taxi she had summoned below her condominium. Looking out the window, we were pushing through a path between fields where not only the lights of overtime work, but even the streetlights were sparse.
"Honestly. There are only two weeks left, and you won't even let me relax until the end."
The grumbling her looked somewhat happy.
"We'll be there soon. Oh, driver, it's over there. That station that was discontinued the other day."
"Eh, discontinued line...?"
With just that one word, Hoshimiya seemed to realize.
That's right, this is the terminal of the discontinued line where I tried to throw myself in front of a train on September 1st of last year. The place where the two of us first met. Though the time was slightly different, if I looked up, there was the same clear night sky as that time, with twinkling stars that looked like they were falling.
I got out of the taxi and carried Hoshimiya on my back.
I set the flashlight on my forehead and turned it on, and a beam of light ran forward like a guidepost.
"You're not planning on going to that bridge, are you? Without a wheelchair?"
"A bit late for that, isn't it? After you made me carry you on my back for shopping so many times."
"No, but I think a mountain path would be too tough."
"It's fine. --Because I want to do it."
As I spoke, I readjusted the girl on my back as if lightly jumping, and slowly started walking.
Her body, which had been getting lighter day by day, was now about to enter the low 30-kilogram range. It was certainly heavy for climbing a mountain, but I didn't mind that at all.
After walking desperately on the dark mountain path for about an hour, I arrived at the bridge in question.
"It's nostalgic. It's just like that time."
Hoshimiya murmured softly, looking around restlessly.
"Yeah. ...Hoshimiya, you can stand if there's a handrail, right?"
"Yeah. Put me down."
I squatted down for a moment, and after confirming that both of Hoshimiya's feet were on the ground, I took her arms and shoulders and pulled her up. Leaning her body against the bridge's railing, Hoshimiya looked up at the night sky once more.
"Woooow, it's so beautiful today. Amazing, it's like being in space."
As if to lean my shoulder against Hoshimiya, who was stating her child-like, innocent impression, I also leaned on the handrail, turned off and removed the light on my forehead, and gazed at the star-filled sky. The wind stroking my cheeks was damp and a little cold.
"It rained yesterday. I'm glad it cleared up today."
Truly beautiful. A good sound. They sometimes describe a beautiful starry sky as being like an overturned jewelry box, and I thought that was exactly right.
This moment, the time spent alone with Hoshimiya, I will surely never forget it.
It is surely a memory worthy of being called a treasure.
"...Hehe, to think I'd be able to watch the stars so peacefully, right before I die."
Hoshimiya smiled, the starry sky reflected in her perfectly round eyes.
"I'm glad I chased after you that time. Honestly, I hesitated when I saw the phone left behind at McDonald's. I thought maybe someone would take it to the police box if I left it, or that the owner might come back for it. ...But I'm really glad I worked up the courage."
"...I'm glad I left it there, too."
"Ahaha. What's that? That's kind of cute."
I was too embarrassed to look at her laughing face. But still, there was no doubt she had a smile that struck the heart more than any of the jewels scattered far overhead.
"But why here?"
"I thought about it a lot, but if I was going to say it, I thought this was the only place."
"Well, I didn't think you'd bring me to a place like this for no reason. What is it?"
Hoshimiya's voice seemed to hold a sense of doubt, but no negative emotions could be felt. It was simply a tone of pure questioning. It couldn't be helped. She had no way of knowing.
"Today is my birthday."
--Because I haven't said a single word about it until now.
"Eh, really? Ahaha, sorry, I haven't prepared anything. Well, let my smile be your present."
Hoshimiya laughed cheerfully. To her, I layered my words with as serious a voice as I could muster.
"Did you know? In Japan, anyone can get married from the age of eighteen."
"Eh? Yeah, it became eighteen for girls too, right? ............ Huh?"
Ignoring Hoshimiya's reaction as she sensed something, I got down on one knee.
My heart was pounding loudly. My fingertips were trembling slightly. But I wasn't anxious. I could finally confess the feelings I had kept hidden in my heart for these past few months. Even if I was happy, there was no way I could feel a speck of fear.
What would she think? She, who said she loved me even after I had committed the wretched act of attempting suicide, how would she receive this outlandish action?
"--Hoshimiya Miyuki-san."
"Y-yes."
Hoshimiya's voice was a little strained. That fresh, never-before-seen gesture of hers made my affection grow even more. It was a new side (sound) to the girl I thought I knew so well.
I reached into my pocket. I took out a small box that contained the crystallization of my feelings.
Hoshimiya's face tensed slightly. Expectation and delight, and a confusion that slightly surpassed them, could be clearly seen. Her beautiful eyes, peeking from under her long eyelashes, were fixed on the small box I held.
I gently opened it.
What appeared from inside was a ring embedded with a very small, yet certainly radiant jewel.
The diamond, a mere 0.04 grams, shone more beautifully than any of the twinkling stars in the night sky.
Right after, at the center of a dazzlingly infinite jewelry box, we gazed at each other.
"--Will you marry me?"
Hoshimiya collapsed from her knees. She didn't stop there, but fell flat on her bottom. Her right hand, which had barely been gripping the handrail, quickly let go to cover her mouth.
"Wh-why..."
"Because I love you. Because you're dear to me. Because I want to be with you, even a little longer. Is that strange?"
"But I'm going to die in two weeks?"
"You'll be alive for another two weeks, right?"
I took the left hand of Hoshimiya, who was sitting on the ground. When I signaled with my eyes, she nodded shyly. I slipped the ring onto her ring finger, which had become far too thin.
Hoshimiya held the jewel up to the night sky, and her lips broke into a smile.
She looked just like a child whose eyes sparkle upon finding a treasure.
"This kind of happiness... I had already stopped thinking about it..."
Being able to leave her singing voice to the future-- not happiness as Hahyuu.
As Hoshimiya Miyuki-- a single scene she had envisioned as a woman, which had been nothing but a hope.
"...Hehe. Thank you. I'm very happy."
Saying so in a peaceful voice, Hoshimiya spread her arms and looked at me.
Her slight upward glance silently appealed for something-- no, it was a request.
I gently, so very gently, embraced her delicate and fragile body.
So warm. There was a soft scent. Thump, thump, our heartbeats overlapped.
This sweet chord surely cannot be named.
"Hey, Tsukishiro."
I wonder how long we stayed like that. Suddenly, Hoshimiya whispered in my ear.
"Before I die real soon,"
I somehow knew what came next. I released my embrace and met her gaze.
Only the starlight illuminated us.
"--You're to kiss me."
Right after that, time stopped.
It was an event of only a few seconds, but to me it felt like an eternity.
In a world where sound and light had vanished, the moment I could feel only her warmth came to an end, leaving a faint afterglow.
"--Hehe, you're clumsy."
"Huh!?"
"It felt like I was being eaten."
Hoshimiya wore a grinning, mischievous smile. I put her in a headlock.
Gibu gibu,' she tapped my arm, and her smile was purer and more radiant than any expression I had ever seen, resounding with an emotion of pure joy from the bottom of her heart.
"Ahaha, ahh, this is fun. I never thought it would turn out like this."
Spurred on by my fiancée, the corners of my mouth loosened too.
"Future sight wasn't absolute after all."
The past future presented to Hoshimiya, one where she would rot away in despair and resentment towards an unreasonable fate.
That was no longer anywhere to be seen. All that existed was the small light twinkling on her left ring finger, and the smiles of us who were just now bound by it.
"Fufufu. I wonder about that. Maybe you changed it, Tsukishiro?"
In reality, it's a possible scenario. It's not an impossible story that by me, who is strongly influenced by future sight, stirring up Hoshimiya's actions, Hoshimiya's fate was also slightly distorted.
--No, such speculation doesn't matter.
"You changed it yourself, Hoshimiya. You, who kept struggling because you wanted to change the future."
Right now, I want to gaze at the smile shining before me like a sky full of stars.
Without clouding even a single moment of the time we have left.
"...I never thought a future like this would come. Even though I hated this world so much."
I was the same. I hated this world that had taken my mother and my dream, and forced upon me a life tormented by noise, and I was sure that the world hated me back. --But.
"...Me too. Having met you, this world where we have surely lived together, I like it now."
"Ahaha, that's nice. The you right now, Tsukishiro, is really cute."
"...Is 'cute' a compliment?"
"It's a compliment, it's a compliment. ...Ah, I just thought of something really good."
Hoshimiya, with stars twinkling even in her eyes, said,
"Let's go buy wedding rings together."
"Mm, yeah, that's the plan. A one-way ring would be far too lonely."
"I'm fine with this one. I really, really like it."
Hoshimiya hugged the ring fitted on her left ring finger tightly. I'm glad she likes it.
"So, I want to go buy yours, Tsukishiro. Oh, if today's your birthday, maybe we could put an emerald, your birthstone, in it."
"Eh, are there other options for rings besides diamonds? Was a diamond okay?"
"Usually it's diamonds, and I told you, right? This is already my favorite!!"
Hoshimiya frolicked with a crumpled smile, like a child.
She's cute, I thought frankly.
"But for the ring I give you, Tsukishiro, I thought of a jewel that would be nice."
"Eh? Not a diamond or an emerald?"
She said "uh-huh" and gave a proud smile, looking happy from the bottom of her heart,
"A crystal."
Eh... a soundless voice escaped me.
"I know. That for you, Tsukishiro, a crystal is sadness itself made manifest."
"Then..."
"That's exactly why."
Hoshimiya gently intertwined her fingers with my palm.
She then gently enveloped it with both her hands.
"I'll overwrite it for you. So that you can think of a crystal not as the embodiment of pain, but as the crystallization of memories."
They were brave, admirable eyes.
Her gentle voice made me strangely shy, and I almost looked away.
"I-I see. Then first, I guess I'll have you choose, Hoshimiya."
Holding hands, I sat down next to her.
Suddenly, I looked up.
The twinkling starry sky, as always, enveloped us.
September first of last year. The day I first attempted suicide. That night, too, had a starry sky like today's.
What kind of impression did I let slip back then?
Surely, I was neither moved, nor did my thoughts wander to the far reaches of the galaxy.
Despite being in a place where I could feel the vastness of the world this much, I was only thinking of my own petty self.
I've changed, I thought.
Right after, I shook my head.
She changed me. This girl, looking up at the stars just like me, right here next to me.
Ah, it's beautiful. Tomorrow's night sky, and the one after that, I want to watch them lined up together like this.
"Hey, Tsukishiro."
Hoshimiya rested her head on my shoulder with a soft thump.
Just that, and yet my heart feels at ease now. Her warmth and definite weight make me feel that we were able to meet in this vast universe. They make me strongly perceive that her life is burning.
"What was the lifespan of a star again?"
"I don't know but... the Earth is something like 4.6 billion years old, right? Isn't it on the scale of tens of billions of years?"
"Amazing... it's so long it doesn't make sense."
"...Well, don't worry. Your voice is more special."
I gently rested my head on hers.
That's right. I know.
An existence that shines brighter than anyone, that makes feelings resonate,
and continues to play its sound next to someone, without ever fading.
"--Enough to keep ringing, even if the stars die out."
Hoshimiya, for just a moment, looked blankly.
Ahaha, she laughed loudly.
That was surely the most arrogant smile in the universe.
"...You know, that day you took me out and I learned about the 'Miyuki' project, I actually wanted to go out."
"...Hm? What do you mean?"
"So, you might think you used the 'reward' from desperately trying to get a Full Combo on MobaPane to take me out, but the story is, I didn't actually use that right then. So, as for me, I have to grant you one 'reward'."
"...I'm pretty sure I asked you out normally once and got rejected."
"That was a lie."
"Where did 'I don't lie' go?"
"So noisy. Come on, come on. Say anything, you don't have to be shy."
"...You're an idiot, is there anything to be shy about at this point?"
I roughly ruffled Hoshimiya's hair. She looked pleased, as comfortable as a cat. Seeing her completely relaxed expression, I thought again.
--Ah, how dear she is.
"Stay with me, until you die."
"Of cou-rse."
I embraced her again.
Forever and ever.
Wishing that this moment would never end, I savored every minute, every second.
May 24th (Fri) Miyuki and I filled out the marriage registration form. Since Rukina is a minor and can't be a witness, we made a last-minute request to the director couple of Tsubame-en. They cried at how gaunt Miyuki looked when they saw her after so long, but they congratulated us even more and drove us to the ward office. When we submitted the marriage registration, the office worker was incredibly surprised to learn that Hoshimiya Miyuki was the one getting married, and the two of us laughed. Our first laugh as a married couple.
May 25th (Sat) Went to buy my ring. As expected, there weren't many crystal rings, and when we found one, it was quite expensive. But Miyuki paid for it in one lump sum with a smug face. Actresses are amazing.
After that, we went to visit my mom's grave. Come to think of it, my mom liked dramas and stuff, so she might have seen a lot of Miyuki. When I talked about how she probably never thought such an amazing actress would become her daughter-in-law in the future, Miyuki puffed out her chest and made another smug face. Ah, this is happiness.
May 26th (Sun) I said, "We're a married couple, so let's sleep together," and Miyuki fell over. We tried lying down together in Miyuki's bed, but it was too small. But since it wasn't impossible to sleep, I said let's go with this, and she made a slightly displeased face. I had no choice, so I went to Aeon, bought a futon set, and connected it to my futon to make an impromptu double. She was exasperated, asking how much I wanted to sleep with her. It's fine, isn't it?
May 27th (Mon) She said she wanted to go to karaoke, so I took her along with Rukina. She said she didn't want to be scored, but when I provoked her by asking if she was scared, she easily took the bait. So easy. Well, I got completely destroyed in the scoring match, though. She's not even singing seriously, but she's too amazing. Also, Rukina was normally good too. Despite how she usually talks. It's so frustrating.
May 28th (Tue) I recreated the ramen from the shop I used to work at, at home. I stewed the pork bones in a pressure cooker and made the soy sauce tare from a recipe the manager secretly taught me. Of course, without garlic. I made it pretty well, and Miyuki seriously recommended I open a ramen shop. But after that, Rukina complained about the smell clinging to the room. It was hilarious.
May 29th (Wed) When I was about to go shopping for lunch, Miyuki said she'd go with me. Since we had the chance, we took the long way to the supermarket. On the way back, she suddenly said something like, "I wonder if this is the last time I'll walk this path with you," and I almost started crying. We went home, the three of us ate, took a bath, watched TV, and I savored the everyday life with Miyuki. Only a few more days of being able to say good night to each other, huh.
May 30th (Thu) We watched a movie that Miyuki said was her favorite among those she appeared in. It was a high school youth movie. A boy whose dream apparently came true was hugging Miyuki, and when I got super irritated, Miyuki laughed at me. When I was sulking about being laughed at, she stole a glance at Rukina and kissed me. I thought, "You won't get away with that," but seeing Miyuki smiling so happily, I forgave her. That smile is unfair. It's a foul.
May 31st (Fri) One week left. The doctor has repeatedly told her to be hospitalized, but Miyuki insisted she wants to spend her last moments at home. Her final day is set, so that's probably better. She said she wants to see the sea. There are still days until the beaches officially open, so it might be empty.
June 1st (Sat) We chartered a taxi for the day and went to Cape Irago. It wasn't the season, so there were no people. After arriving, we just watched the sea the whole time. It was the first time in my life I'd seen such a beautiful sea. When I said that it's the Pacific Ocean and there's nothing until Australia, Rukina made a detailed retort that Papua New Guinea is there. I found it strangely funny.
June 2nd (Sun) It rained today. Miyuki suddenly said she wanted to see my gaming skills outside of rhythm games, so the three of us, including Rukina, played Smash Bros. I was annoyed because I lost the first few times, but once I got used to the controls, I went on a winning streak. Miyuki got angry at being unable to win and challenged me with Mario Kart, which she's apparently good at, but I defeated her after a few tries. Don't underestimate a gamer.
June 3rd (Mon) As expected, Miyuki's condition has worsened. But she declared she would absolutely get her revenge in Mario Kart. I had no choice but to play along, and Miyuki's Princess Peach was invincible with a star the whole time. Apparently, Rukina had mastered cheating techniques overnight and made her invincible. I thought, "You've got to be kidding me," but seeing how incredibly happy Miyuki was, I kind of stopped caring and just laughed.
June 4th (Tue) She said she felt like it would be the last time, and that she wanted to eat porridge, so I made porridge with nori tsukudani. I ate with her. Rukina seems to dislike nori tsukudani, so she ate it with pickled plum. I thought she was quieter than usual, and then she was crying, saying she was anxious about three days from now and didn't know how she should act. Miyuki just kept stroking Rukina's head.
June 5th (Wed) Yesterday's premonition came true, and Miyuki could no longer eat properly. Miyuki, who laughed and said she was glad she ate yesterday, was so brave that I hugged her a lot. I was thinking I would hug her for a lifetime, but Rukina pulled us apart, saying it wasn't fair. I thought she probably wouldn't want me hugging her, so I restrained myself after that, but Rukina beckoned me over. Rukina was so warm, and I finally realized how low Miyuki's body temperature was. I thought I had to keep her warm until the very end.
June 6th (Thu) It's finally tomorrow. It would be a lie to say I'm not scared. We talked about all sorts of things and I couldn't help but cry, but she said she didn't want things to be gloomy and took a two-shot photo. I now regret not taking more photos, but she said something like, "Isn't it more precious if there's only one?" Since Rukina said it wasn't fair, I took a two-shot of Miyuki and Rukina too. As we all looked at the photo, we ended up crying, and we all huddled together and cried. We decided to sleep together as a three tonight.
They were the best of days.
Without a doubt, it was the most radiant time of my life. I savored the happiness of being able to enjoy an ordinary life as a matter of course. For the first time, I thought from the bottom of my heart that I was glad to be alive.
My own expression, reflected deep in her eyes. Seeing that, I came to know a self that even I didn't know.
Until the very, very end, she was always the one giving to me.
And then.
June seventh. 11:57 PM.
--As stated in advance.
--Tsukishiro Miyuki's life came to an end.
June 8th (Sat) Miyuki was smiling until the very end. At the very, very end, she told me, "Thank you." I thought I was prepared, but I cried with Rukina and a whole day passed.
I think I'll continue this diary. Because I started this as an observation diary of Miyuki. From now on, I want to properly record how her singing voice will spread throughout the world.
